Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hilarious Fun

video

This video is great! I had so much fun doing it, I'm totally

going on the website to make more!

- Jess

Friday, November 21, 2008

I wish my boobs were bigger

I've never been big on women who get those giant fake boobies that are hard as rocks and start to look square after a while. But, I want bigger boobs. That is my dream. To have boobs that look like boobs. Not boobs that look like silly putty and can be pulled and twisted and tied in a knot around my back. My boobs used to be so pretty. I could go with out a bra, and they would stay right where they were supposed to. Now, after two kids, I have tribal monkey boobs.

When I was pregnant, My boobs grew to an enormous size. I didn't realize the benefit cocoa butter would have had. I was stupid, just so enamored with my giant chest that I didn't take the time to think about what would happen when they deflate. I went from a nice "C" to Boobs so big i don't think they could be measured. I was wearing an XXL sports bra and they were still spilling out the top and the sides. Then, the babies came, and the boobies deflated like a popped balloon.

I'm not saying i want giant boobs, but a nice size C would be lovely. Heck, I don't even have to have implants, just a lift would be nice, they might be smaller, but at least they'd be up where they're supposed to be instead of two inches from my belly button.

Oh well. I guess it could be worse. I could have a third eye, or only one butt cheek, or something really defective. I have saggy boobs. Do they make support groups for that?

Have a good weekend, and if you have perky boobs, appreciate them and thank God.

-Jess

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's HUMP Day

I think that Hump Day should mean we get to stop whatever we're doing and go home and Hump. Well, if I had someone at home to hump, maybe i would. But I don't. Hump Day is the worst name. Whoever decided to call it that did not think ahead. They did not have a dirty mind or a potty mouth, and they did not count on me thinking of someone humping every time I hear the phrase. It always makes me giggle like a 12 year old idiot. Hey, take away the 12 years and I'm still an idiot. A just turned 31 goober who giggles when someone says hump, or fart, or boob.

Yep, I'm hard up. Sad isn't it. But actually kind of funny.

So, what should it be called, instead of Hump-Day (giggle giggle)? Any suggestions? I've got one. How about just plain old Wednesday? I think that is a wonderful idea.

-Jess

Monday, November 17, 2008

Happy Monday?

I hope every one's weekend went well. Mine? Not so good. I think I've got a sinus infection mixed with a cold and some type of deadly vomiting thing. I swear, I threw up so much Saturday i stopped breathing at one point. It was insane. It seems like I only get sick on the weekends. Why can't i get sick on the weekdays and use a sick day when I'm actually sick? That would be nice.

Anyhoo, I'm feeling better now, I think. I can stand upright and eat solid foods, so that's a plus.

Question of the Day;

Have you ever been in a room with about 300 other people and feel like you are one of the few who are in on the joke?

Love you Love you

Jess

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap.......

I can not get that song out of my head. Do not ask me how or why it's stuck up in there, but it is, and now it will not go away. "Oh i wish i was a little bar of soap, bar of soap. I could slippy slippy slidey over Jessie big white hiney......" URGH!

So now maybe it'll be stuck in someone elses head too, and you can share in my misery.

Love ya like a fat kid loves cake!

-Jess

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Bored Bored Bored

Have you ever been so bored that you feel clawing your eyes out would be more interesting than staring at the monitor for one more second?

That's how I feel right now.

-Jess

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Birthday Cake


Just wanted to share the awesome cake my co-worker Tim had waiting for me this morning. I guess I guilted him into it, i swear i didn't mean to. It really made my day when i walked in and saw this cake and the card from everyone here at work.
Thanks Guys!
-Jess

Monday, November 10, 2008

There's Nothing like the smell of Cat Puke in the morning...

I forgot to mention that my temporary house guest has a very weird way of telling someone happy birthday. Hester the cat thinks that a surprise puddle of cat puke is a FABULOUS way to ring in my 31st year. As I stumbled off the couch this morning and headed for the kitchen for my morning Dr Pepper, there it was. Unfortunately I didn't see where it was. My foot however, found where it was right away. As my foot connected with the gooey mass of cat barf, my leg went up and out from under me, and down I went.

So thank you Hester. And right now, as we speak, Hester is wondering around outside, looking for the next family of chumps she can mooch of for a few weeks and shower with her warm gooey stink.

The little skank!

Jess

IT FOUND ME. 31 FOUND ME.

Darnit to heck. 31 has found me. I woke up this morning and there it was, sitting on my chest, staring me straight in the face and screaming "I gotcha". Oh well, I guess it was inevitable. 31 is now doing a little happy dance. Bastard.

I've already received some love from some of my family and I want to thank you guys. Thanks Mom, Grandma, Julie, Butch, and of course THE Beth. Beth, no one can do a Grandpa Hettel wrap job quite like you. You rock. And I'm gonna burn that birthday candle tonight and then blow it out while singing myself the happy birthday song, over and over and over again. Tee Hee!

Thank you to my friends ( i only have a hand full, but one of you guys is better than 10 "sort of" friends). You remembered to tell me Happy Birthday.

Amanda, thanks for taking care of me Saturday, I really appreciate it.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

-Jess

Thursday, November 6, 2008

HILARIOUS VIDEO

Take a few minutes to laugh your ass off at this short video. I almost peed my pants listening to the guy behind the camera laughing.

-Jess
video

COUNTDOWN TO THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF MY 30TH BIRTHDAY

It's closing in. 31 years is coming to claim me. I can hear it calling my name as it inches ever closer to my aging body. I still feel young. I still feel like a teenager trapped in a grown-up world. I still feel like I'm pretending to know what I'm doing and what I'm talking about, when in fact, I have abso-freakin'-lutely no idea what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. My kids think I'm so smart (well Max does, Grace knows way more than I do) and can do no wrong. Poor little saps, thinking their Mama actually knows what in the heck she's doing.

Woe is me, right? Right! I know it's not really that big of a deal, but aging sucks. I'm just going to pretend there is no such thing as a birthday. Maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away. If i pretend like it's not there, be very very quiet, maybe it won't be able to find me. Maybe 31 will come to claim me, calling out, "Jessie, Jessie where are you?", and I'll be hiding so 31 will just have to give up and go home.

What do you think?

-Jess

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Fun Game

Click on this link and play the game, you can't understand the instructions, so i've included some of my own:


How old is your brain? This will drive you nuts.
The site instructions are in Japanese, so read below! 1. Touch 'start' 2. Wait for 3, 2, 1. 3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, then click the circle from the smallest to the biggest number. 4. At the end of game, computer will tell you the age of your brain. 5. Forward the message and type your age in the subject line.
Forward it to your friends . Good luck !

http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

Obama

I know there are probably alot of very unhappy people today, but I am not one of them. I am very happy that Obama will be our president. I have alot of hope, and I haven't had much hope in any of the presidents before.

I'm so proud to be an American today, knowing that we have the privilege to vote and the chance to make our world better for our children.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I VOTED

It's election day! Go Vote if you haven't already! This is the first time i can ever remember being excited about an election. WHOO HOO